Month: August 2018

Categories
autism spartan

Spartan, Aroo!

My sons recently completed their first Spartan Kids race. 

At four and five years old, they were the youngest Spartans out there! 


They ran (and sometimes walked) the longer stretches of the course and completed the obstacles like champions.  Crawling through tunnels, splashing through the mud holes, and scaling the cargo net wall, they earned their medals like true Spartan Warriors.

I am extremely proud of both boys, especially my four year old.  He had to work just a little bit harder than the other kids out there, because he has autism.

He is an overcomer, my little Spartan.  He might have been one of the last to finish (because he kept slowing down to watch the adult waves run by!), but he finished the race.  He was able to do everything that other kids did…he just needed a little extra help and encouragement to do it. 

Big brother finished the race first.  After enjoying his complimentary banana, he ran back through the course to help his brother finish too.  I was so proud of him, wanting to help his little brother finish and earn his medal.

Big Brother, proud of his medal

I was also thankful for the Spartan volunteers.  They encouraged my son throughout the obstacle course, and they cheered him on when he was successful.  I hope his life is full of similar experiences:  where people encourage him when he struggles, acknowledge his dedication and hard work, and praise his successes. 




This race wasn’t about winning or even finishing within a certain time frame.  It was about finishing the race and having fun.  It was about trying something new and gaining the experience.  I think we accomplished those goals. 

After the race, he just kept smiling and admiring his medal.  He was so proud of it and of himself.  

So Proud


“Earned…not given.”  


I’m sure that he will have to work a lot harder in this life, but I also know that he is up for the challenge.  (And we will be right beside you every step of the way, Spartan!)  

Aroo!

Categories
advice autism awareness

SoapBox: They Probably Understand…

*Soapbox Warning*

Just something that I thought I would put out there, for your future reference.  You know, because I like to make sure you are being your best self, and this will help you with that….also, because this particular thing bugs the snot outta me!

My advice to you is this:

When you are working with anyone who is nonverbal, never assume that they don’t understand you.

Let’s just imagine this for a minute:

You can’t talk.  You have thoughts, opinions, things you might want to share with others, but you can’t, because you are nonverbal.

Your ears work just fine, so you can physically hear what is going on around you.

Your receptive language (what you understand) is also fine.

Now, imagine that someone is talking about you in front of you.

What would that feel like?  Would you appreciate that?  What about if someone spoke for you?  Would you want someone to assume you don’t want to answer for yourself?  (Because you might not be able to talk, but you can “answer” in other ways, of course!)

I thought this might be a good reminder as school starts back, and many of you might be working with kids who are nonverbal.  Just because someone doesn’t talk, doesn’t mean they don’t understand.  People who are nonverbal are smart too!  Just remember that.

Always, always, always assume that people understand you.  It’s just the considerate thing to do. 🙂

Categories
ABA autism therapy

I Love ABA

I love ABA.

There, I said it.

Really, if ABA were a person, I’d be talking Curtis into the whole “sister-wife” thing…that maybe just got a little weird, but really.  I’d marry ABA.

In just six months, ABA has changed Colin’s life.  It has taught him how to learn.  When you teach a kid how to learn, you open up the world to them.

I am so proud of his new skills:  sitting and working, waiting, matching, sorting, imitating, attending to task, using his AAC device, gaining verbal words….the list goes on and on.  Seeing how much progress he has made in six months (with just two hours of therapy a day) is unbelievable.

But do you know what else ABA has given Colin?

Confidence.

I watched him today while we attended a birthday party for some friends.  Their house was full of people that he (mostly) didn’t know.  He sat at the table as we sang “Happy Birthday.”  He watched them open their gifts.  He played with their new toys.  He interacted with other adults.  He was happy.  We stayed for two hours – this would never have been possible before ABA.

With ABA therapy, he has learned that he can try new things.  He used to enter a new situation and immediately try to flee.  Meltdowns happened almost immediately.  When he didn’t know what was expected of him, or didn’t know what to do, he wanted out of there.  When he did come around to trying something new or hard, he wanted to be alone.  When he first became interested in puzzles, he only tried them when he was alone.  If I approached him, he immediately stopped.  It was almost like he was uncomfortable in his own skin and was afraid to even try.

Today, I watched him.  He sat.  He observed.  He saw what everyone else was doing, and he joined in and did it too.  He was comfortable and happy.

He wanted to play with their new NERF gun.  He took it to another adult.  He tried to load the dart, but couldn’t figure it out.  The adult helped  him do it the first time.  The second time, Colin was able to do it himself.  He had the confidence in himself to try something new.  He never did that before ABA.

As my Mawmaw would say, you can see the wheels turning.  He is watching and learning.  This is such an important skill, and we have his amazing ABA therapists to thank for that.

This time last year, I worried about him so much.  Would he ever talk?  Would he ever follow directions? Would he ever progress beyond where he was?   Could he learn new things?

Now, I still worry about him.  I wonder if he will ever have functional speech.  But now, I know that he will continue to make progress.  He is learning new things everyday.  He has developed a self-confidence that gives him the ability to try new things.  ABA therapy isn’t just teaching him how to “do this” or “do that,” it is teaching him how to learn and giving him confidence in his ability to learn along the way.  Seeing how confident he has become in learning makes my heart happy.

(And, Hey, ABA – if you’re out there and reading this, the sister-wife offer still stands.  Full disclosure here: you’re on laundry duty.  It’s my least favorite chore.  I hope that’s not a deal breaker.)

Categories
Uncategorized

A Wish for Words

When New Year’s came this year, I didn’t set any typical “I want to lose 15 lbs” goals.  I’ve set that same goal for the last 12 years, and it is yet to happen, so I decided to forego that one in 2018.

What I did do was make a wish. 
 I wished, or rather hoped, that Colin would get three words this year.  That might not sound like much, but on January 1st, 2018, he had zero words.  He had very few speech sounds at all.  I didn’t want to say, “Oh, I want him to get 25 words,” then if he didn’t, I would be sad.  So I thought, “Three.  Surely he can get three words.”
We are halfway through August, and he has blown my goal out of the water!!!
First, he started using his AAC device in March. He can tell us what he wants – food, toys, bathroom needs, really anything that he wants.  This alone has been a HUGE thing for our family.  It has relieved frustration for everyone across the board.  He has a way to communicate his wants and needs, and that is life-changing. 
Research shows us that the use of AAC promotes verbal productions as well, and Colin is a testament to that.  He now regularly uses the following words:
1. bye
2. da (dad)
3. no
4. set, go
5. ju- (juice)
6. poo
7. open
8. down
9. pea (please)
10.  Ow (when he gets hurt)
Because of ABA therapy, he has learned to imitate.  He imitates motor movements (large body movements and oral motor), and he also imitates speech sounds now!  He has recently started to imitate almost everything we ask him to say.  Here are a few things he has imitated in just the last week:
1.I… love… you
2. mom
3. t…v…
4. nigh’ (night)
5. shoe
6.  Chee…ball (cheese ball)
7. chi (chip)
People often ask me what my “end goal” is for Colin.  I don’t know that I have an “end goal,” I just want him to continue to make progress.  I don’t think he will reach a certain point where I say, “Okay, we made it!  He’s done,” because I hope and pray that he always continues to grow and learn and develop new skills.  The sky’s the limit for this boy.
Categories
Uncategorized

Vanity

So I went back to work this week.  *cue the mom guilt*

I am very excited to be back to my school job, I really do love it…but part of me feels bad for not being home with Colin.  That same part feels equally guilty because I am having to rely on my dad, mother-in-law, and mawmaw to help me with the boys.  Working, getting Finley to and from school and getting Colin to and from his school requires some juggling skills.

Relying on others is hard for me.  I have always wanted to do everything for myself.  Don’t ask for help, just be self-sufficient.  Oh, and also be the best at everything I set out to do as well, because #perfectionist.

Years ago, I participated in a Bible study that had a lesson on vanity.  I remember thinking, “Okay, this one isn’t for me.  I don’t like how I look, so I am far from vain.”  That’s what vanity was to me, knowing that you’re pretty and having a pompous attitude about it.  This lesson though, it gave me a new take on what vanity means.  It said that, if you only set out to do things that you know you’re successful at, then you are vain.  Your vanity lies in the love of “being the best.”

Wow.  That hit me like a ton of bricks because it described me to a T.

I lived my life that way forever.  If I did something, I had to be the best.  If I was going to be second place, I just stopped altogether because if you ain’t first, you’re last.  (Thanks, Ricky Bobby.)

I have written before that God has used “bad” situations for my good.  For teaching me lessons that I needed to learn.  This is another one of those situations and lessons learned.

My kids need me, but I cannot do and be everything.  God did not create us to be self-sufficient.  We need Him, and we need each other.

So I have to give up that pride, tame down the vanity, and ask others for help.  I need to accept their offers to watch Colin, drive him to school, or pick Finley up from school when I can’t.  This isn’t about me trying to “do it all” and be supermom.  It is about taking care of my kids and making sure they have what they need.  In order for that to happen, I have to rely on my village.

I am thankful that I have the village that I have.  Our family is happy to step up and help us help our kids, and I wholeheartedly appreciate their help.

And just like we learned in Talladega Nights, the if you ain’t first you’re last mindset is just ridiculous…you can be second place, third place, there’s even a fourth place!  But really, this life isn’t a race or a competition, and it’s okay to need help sometimes! 

And also, mom guilt is unlikely to ever go away, so just accepting that as part of your life is probably best.

 (FYI, totally writing this for my own future reference and encouragement, because I know I’m going to need in the coming school year!)

Categories
Uncategorized

My Two Cents on the Movie Theater Incident…

This past week, there was an incident at a movie theater involving a child with special needs.  A foster family had taken their children to see a movie.  One of the teenagers has some complicated health issues.  About 30 minutes into the movie, staff asked the family to leave….why?

…because apparently the girl was breathing too loudly and it was disrupting the other movie-goers.  
The theater offered the family a private showing of the movie (I believe that they declined the offer and left the building).
As you can imagine, this has sparked some heated debates on social media.
-Some say that the family should have been allowed to stay.  If others were bothered by her breathing, too bad, they should have moved.  
-Others say that the girl’s breathing was bad enough to bother several different people, so the theater did the right thing by asking the family to leave.  The other patrons “had the right” to watch their movie in silence.  
As I’m sure you imagined, I have thoughts on this….
I completely understand wanting to watch a movie in silence.  You pay good money,  (I mean seriously, why does it cost a small fortune to see a movie these days?!) and you want to enjoy your experience.  I have been known to complain to management when people talk nonstop during movies (or constantly look at their cell phone, or answer their cell phone, or just generally make a lot noises or distractions).  I get it, I really, really do.
But let’s put ourselves in that family’s shoes:
A foster family, who obviously has at least one child with special needs, decides to do a family activity.  What can they do?  This child is in a wheelchair, so they are limited to what they can all do.  I believe that she was also blind, so this family activity needs to be accommodating to that fact.  
They choose to go to the movies.  The children are all enjoying themselves, and suddenly a staff member comes in and asks you to leave.  You were offered a private showing of the film, but you decline.  You leave the theater feeling defeated, angry, upset, hurt, targeted, singled-out, ostracized, belittled, judged,….and don’t get me started on the kids and how upset they probably were when they didn’t get to finish their movie!
You might say, “BUT WHY WOULD THEY DECLINE SUCH AN OFFER?!  They could still see the movie, so what’s the matter with that?”
In my “special needs parent” eyes, it feels a lot like this:  
“Oh, so we are welcome to be here at your theater, but no one really wants us here, so you’ll sneak us in the back?  You’ll hide us from the rest of the world so no one has be “inconvenienced” by our child who has special needs?” (And a sidenote here: if they live it every single minute of every single day of every single week of every single month of every single year…you, Cupcake, can hang for 2 hours.)
Because going out can be hard anyway.  Maybe it took that family a long time to work up the courage and stamina to attempt an outing like this….only to be asked to leave.  
Because we just want to go out and do something and feel “normal,” whatever that means.  We don’t want special treatment, we don’t want extra attention, we just want to be.  
Because it shows that as a society, we value our own comfort and enjoyment more than we care about other people.
Because this shows that we still have a long way to go before we reach “acceptance-level” for those who are different from the general public.  
And this is why I write – in hopes that our “awareness” of special needs will eventually grow into “acceptance.”  
The more you know, people.  The more you know…

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Uncategorized

Haircut Success!!!

Big day for Colin: he got his hair cut at a barber shop today!

Over two years ago, I watched my husband carry my two year old out of a beauty salon following a traumatizing experience. He was red and sweaty.  He looked scared, defeated, downright sick.  He stared off for a few minutes and then fell asleep in the car.  I vowed to not put him through that again, it just wasn’t worth it.

For two years, I cut his hair while he napped…then he stopped napping.  We have been cutting his hair at home (with these quiet clippers) for about a month.  We use calm counts that he’s learned at ABA therapy, and he has actually started to enjoy it.

Today, Finn went to get his back-to-school cut….and Colin got one too!

He sat on my lap AND wore a cape.  He struggled a little, but no crying, no breath-holding, no screaming.

I am so proud of him. And look how great it turned out!  This is the best hair cut he’s ever had.

Big V was amazing.  He showed Colin his stash of popsicles and let him pick which one he wanted. (Colin pointed and said “boo” (blue).  He talked Colin through the whole process. Having someone who was patient and understanding really made all the difference.

And the best part?

I walked out of there with two happy, smiling, handsome boys. (And we won’t even talk about how grown up they look!)

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Uncategorized

My Year “Off”

In 2016, I accepted a full time position in the schools.  Two months later, Colin was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

I was torn.  I loved my job, but all year, I felt like I needed to be home with him.  He was two, and I was missing the vital “early intervention” time.

At the end of that school year, I took a leave of absence.  I had so many plans.

I was going to “fix” everything and get him ready to enter preschool for the next school year (which, as I write this, is just two weeks away).

We were going to work on: sitting at the table, completing tasks that weren’t his idea, you know, all of the “preschool readiness” tasks.

More importantly, I knew that we needed to target daily life things.   We had to do things to make our lives more manageable. We were going to make grocery store trips just to practice being at the store.  We were going to attend church every Sunday and try to stay in his toddler class.   We were going to try new things, just to give him experiences (because Temple Grandin says that experience is the most important thing you can give a child on the spectrum).

When my year off began, I knew that Colin had autism…but I thought I could “fix” the delays, deficits, and differences.  I could work with him every waking hour, and we could make such big gains that he would “be okay.”

During my year off, he got his official autism diagnosis.  He started daily ABA therapy.

Guys, ABA has changed his life.  It has changed our whole family’s life.  He has made so much progress that I just cannot even believe it.

-he can sit at the table for almost an hour, completing work that isn’t his idea.
-he follows almost all one-step directions.
-he matches items and pictures.
-he uses an AAC device to tell us what he wants.
-he also has VERBAL words, and he tries to imitate so many new words every day.
-he is able to go to the store without meltdowns.
-he doesn’t run from us anymore, and will hold our hands when we go out.
-we can change up our routine and it doesn’t upset him.
-he doesn’t scream and cry all the time.
-he tells us when he needs to potty.
-he SLEEPS ALL NIGHT EVERY NIGHT!

Most importantly, he has gained a self-confidence that has given him new life.  He has the confidence to try new things, and he is so proud of himself.  He even likes to ride his bike, just like big brother!  He never would have tried that before now.

As I look back on this year, I am blown away.  I am so excited and proud of everything that he is doing now.

…but I have changed too.

This year has changed my perspective, and I think my realization might help someone else out there:

Colin doesn’t need to be fixed, because he isn’t broken. 

He just needs more help, and as his mom, it was my job to get him that help.

I stopped looking at his deficits as things to “fix,” and started to see them as areas where he just needs more help.  Yes, he has delays…deficits…differences…and that’s okay.  I don’t need to change him in any way, because he is exactly who is supposed to be.  I can do everything within my power to help him:  to make his life easier and happier.

I might not have “fixed” him, but he is still going to be okay.