Month: November 2018

Thank You, ABA Team

To Colin’s ABA team:

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all eat your weight in turkey and pie today – you deserve it. Have that second or third piece of pie, you know you’ve earned it!

I wanted to take a little time today to thank you all. You’ve only been a part of our lives for about nine months, but you’ve made such an impact on our little family in that short period of time.

First, I have you all to thank for Colin’s amazing progress. You are in the trenches with us every single day, working tirelessly to help him succeed. You power through the rough times and celebrate with him in the good times.

I want you to know how much of an impact you’re making, because sometimes we forget in the day to day how far we’ve come.

You have taken a little boy who didn’t sit at the table, and you have taught him to sit for long stretches of time. (Have you ever tried to bathe a cat? Getting Colin to sit in a chair was a very similar experience about nine months ago.)

You have taken a little boy who only did things that were his idea, and you taught him complete adult-directed tasks.

You have taken a little boy who screamed out of frustration and you have given him a voice.

You have taken a little boy who thought “WAIT” was a bad four letter word, and you have taught him to patiently wait and ENJOY it like it’s a game.

You have taken a little boy who was so unsure of himself, and you’ve given him self-confidence.

You have taken a little boy who was just stuck, and you have taught him how to learn.

You have opened up a whole new world of opportunity to him and to our family.

Just as important as all of those things listed above, you have taken a little boy who could easily be overlooked, or left behind, or ignored, and you have accepted and loved him for who he is. You see him, truly see him. You see his sweet personality (and ornery streak), and you see his potential.

Today, I hope that you are proud of the jobs that you do, because they are ever so important to family’s like ours. You have changed the trajectory of my son’s life – and that’s monumental. You truly are life-changing ninjas – wear that badge with honor! Your jobs are so important, and we are forever thankful for you all.

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Be Thankful

As a fellow autism mom, I know and understand the day to day struggles. Parenting, in general, is the toughest job in the world. These little people literally depend on you for everything. Every decision you make directly affects them…that is a daunting thought. Special needs parenting, well, that adds a whole new dimension.

First, it’s realizing that there is something different about your child.

It’s worrying and fretting about those differences.

It’s searching to find answers.

It’s finally getting a diagnosis.

It’s worrying, again, about what that diagnosis means for their future.

It’s trying to maneuver the world of intervention to determine what your child needs.

It’s fighting to get those services for your child.

Then, the worry comes back – am I doing enough? Will he ever (insert a variety of things here: play, talk, sleep through the night, be potty trained, go to school, make a friend, live alone someday, have someone to take care of him when I’m gone….)

Sometimes, it seems to a never-ending cycle of worrying, fighting, searching, and crying.

We worry about our children. We want to give them everything that they need in order to be successful. We work with them every single day. We help them learn things that many parents take for granted: learning to imitate. Learning to play. These and many other things must be deliberately taught to our kids on the spectrum…and that can be tiring. Having a neurotypical child has shown me all of the things that he learned on his own that I took for granted – because his brother has be directly taught to do those things.

I know this life, and want you to know that you aren’t alone in it. There are many of us with you, right there in the trenches.

One thing that has helped me is living in the moment. For the longest time, I wished away time, hoping and praying for progress.

“When he’s __ years old, he will surely be doing this.”

“When he can __, things will get easier.”

I try to not do that anymore. I look at where he is now, realizing how far he’s come, and I’m thankful for that. I still hope for progress, but I try to focus on his abilities now. I try to not compare him to other kids. There is no other kid in the world like him, and he’s doing things in his time. He’s making such huge strides right now, and I am so proud of him just as he is.

So if you’re having a moment, and you’re worrying, fretting, or wondering if you’re doing enough – it’s okay. Have your moment…then pick yourself up and fight for your kid, like you always do. Be thankful for them and everything they can do. There is always something to be thankful for!

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Polar Express

I think everyone I know has taken their kids to ride the Polar Express train. I have always been afraid to schedule it.

1. What if Colin hated It?
2. If he hates it, too bad, because you’re stuck on there for over an hour and half.
3. It’s an expensive thing to go to and then hate.
4. That’s a long time to be trapped in close quarters with people if Colin screams and cries the whole trip.
5. Sitting is hard….and there’s lots of sitting on a train.
6. I can’t take Finn and leave Colin at home, I’d feel so guilty.

We have learned the things that he can do, and we know the things that are too much for him. We choose our activities carefully, taking into consideration a lot of things: is there waiting? Is there sitting? Is it structured? If those answers are “yes,” then we usually avoid it.

But my mom really wanted to take the boys this year.

Last week, we pulled out the boys train set. We rotate toys and they play with them like they’re new. Colin started looking at Thomas the train books all on his own this week.

We talked about the train, talked about going to the North Pole, talked about seeing Santa (he loves Santa).

We got to the hotel room, and we added “santa” to his communication device. He started using it to talk about trains and Santa. He verbally said “train!”

He was ready to go, practically ran to the car, and went into the train station happily. The boys needed $40 worth of toys from the gift shop. He played the games they had set up in the holding room. He was so happy and excited.

They announced, “the train is coming. I see a train!” We all ran outside to watch and wait.

He saw the train. He started pointing and fussing. He cried. He covered his ears…but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the train. I handed him his device and said, “what do you want, Bub?”

He said, “train.”

He wanted to get on that train. For him, it’s a fine line between “excited” and “anxious.”

He called himself down so well and we continued to wait for boarding.

We got on the train, and I don’t think he’s ever been happier.

The train ride was 100 minutes, and both boys were perfect the entire trip.

We sat in our seats and drank our drinks and ate our cookies.

We participated in the singing and little games.

Unless you’re an autism parent, you won’t understand this, but it felt like what I imagine “normal” parenting to feel like. We were just in the moment and had fun. We weren’t running or chasing or screaming or melting down or planning five steps ahead to avoid all of the above. We weren’t separating- one parent with one kid, one parent with the other – Because one couldn’t handle the activity. We were together, having fun. Together. That word is important and special for us.

When we got the North Pole and saw the lights, Finn and Colin both jumped up and ran to Grandma and Grandpa’s side of the train so they could see better.

Seeing their eyes light up when they saw Santa – it was worth all of the money that Grandma and Grandpa spent. 🤣

I knew Finn would do well, and I knew he would love it. Colin, I just wasn’t sure, so I was thrilled when he had the best time too.

As we made our way back into the station, I said, “Colin, did you like the train?!” He grabbed his device and said, “Santa.” 😍

I am so thankful that we are able to do things like this as a family, because I know so many kids whose sensory issues and/or anxiety would prohibit family activities like this.

If you haven’t done the Polar Express, I highly recommend it.

Some things to know though: it is loud when the crew sings. There was a little area at the bathroom where you could escape to if necessary on our train. The lights were pretty dim, so that was calming. They had entertainment activities before boarding, and you could walk around outside to see the Christmas lights.

The crew was amazing with the kids. They took their time with each kid and treated all the kids exactly the same. We highly recommend Chef Spaghetti and Chef Muffin. And Santa, you’re always our guy. 🎅